Or my brain.
I played a late volleyball game tonight - coupled with a 45 minute highway drive back home, I'm not quite ready for bed yet. Neither is Minnow, who has a lovely habit of kicking into high gear at bed time.
Yesterday I had what will likely be the worst day I can have at work. And I was treated like garbage by both a client and someone at a courier company that shall remain nameless. I've never felt so small, so broken, and so insecure and unsure of myself. That someone could cause me to stumble and fall in the ways that I did yesterday has had a huge impact on me. I still feel quite shaken, but at the same time I feel determined not to let people walk all over me any more. I'm determined to stand up for myself more often, and not to be so damn scared to rock the boat, or to tell someone something that they don't want to hear.
It's been a big 24 hours.
View out one of our windows at work, though I assure you the sun isn't that high in the sky yet at this time of year.
This job will make me or break me. And I choose not to let it break me. I will develop a thicker skin - hell, I already have after 2+ years - by doing this job.
Side note: I miss summer! I miss sunshine and daylight and warmth. Though these things are coming, I can tell. I can't wait to get out on the water again with Trev. I love seeing little surprises like this little guy. I'm telling you, this fox was oblivious to our existence. And I swear up and down that he was chasing a butterfly, Disney-style.
This is how Trev and I spend many of our weekends in the summer, and it's awesome. These past two days have been a time for me to reach back and grasp on to happy, triumphant moments such as this, when I felt like I was a success.
I'm a sensitive person. I need to tell myself that this is not a bad thing, but a good thing. But at the same time, I can be a strong, assertive person as well. No one has the right to tear me down. To intimidate me, knowing they're doing so. Seeing how far they can push me.
I'm telling you. This was a significant moment, this series of events. And if I haven't learned from it, if I don't make changes based on what I've learned - about other people, about myself, about how to protect me - then I've wasted a good many tears.
2 comments:
Sorry you had a rough day at work. I'm like you, and need to work on my assertiveness and confidence. Maybe we can enroll in some self help classes :)
I love that fox picture so much!
I used to work in a more corporate environment than I do now and would often be in a position as a junior person where people would walk all over you and tear you down at any opportunity. Being able to think the way you do is a good step ...You come across sounding strong and self-assured, it sounds like you have probably grown in your time in this work role. It takes quite a lot to be able to reflect in this way. Hoping tomorrow is better for you
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